The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
