yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
