With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
