So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
