I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Panties = found
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