You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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