So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
