i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
