I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
