we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
