he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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