I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
