It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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