she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
