I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
