hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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