I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
