Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm at about main and main street
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
