The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Found your dick twin last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
