it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
