Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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