my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
