Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
