you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
