I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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