You're earring is so big in my mouth
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
