He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
