Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
