According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
