Say something about gay babies.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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