Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
