A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
