Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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