The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
