You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
