they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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