yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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