there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
