I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
