sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
