We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
