the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
