My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
