i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
