She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
