why didn't you poke me back
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
