I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize