yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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