He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
