There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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