Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
