my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
