Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
