how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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