dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
