What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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