i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize