hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
