Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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