I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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