I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
