I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
