I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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