i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell