I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.