the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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