Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.