he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
