This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He passed out mid-signature
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm both gender and math confused
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
