my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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