How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
