Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
